This may just be the most significant blog post I have ever written.
For the majority of my life, to varying degrees, I have been accompanied by the ever-present human Ego. I do not mean ego as in plain cockiness and arrogance, but rather Ego in the broader spiritual sense. Ego has many other names: self-doubt, worry, uncertainty, anxiety… it is the voice in the back of your head that stops you from living every moment to its fullest. It stops you from experiencing the true magic of life, that same magic that most people experience as a children. It is your brain filtering and narrowing everything that you experience. It is unnecessary self-created fear and resistance to the present moment and the flow of life. It sows seeds of doubt in everything you do, it builds a barrier between you and reality, you and other people. In the back of everyone’s minds there is always something holding them back to some degree. It is only obvious when it is in it’s more overt stages and manifests as anxiety or depression. Almost every single person in the world shares in the Ego, as it is just a part of the way modern humans have been conditioned to think. This Ego has developed through resistance to the present moment. We live our whole lives regretting the past, worrying about the future or doubting ourselves. The good news is, if you can learn to live your life free from this -congrats- your life will be an amazing journey full of peace and love.
The ego manifests through so many different ways in so many people and it is the cause of the tragic state humanity is in today. Most areas of my life are very complete and functional, but there are some areas where I have been held back by my own Ego. Here is an example of a past problem that I have had and until recently only just managed to overcome. Every time a decent girl has come into my life, instead of just relaxing and letting the laws of attraction take their course, I have become clingy- needing to have the girl at all costs, thinking that she will take my problems away, desperately wanting her affection, constantly fearing that I might loose her and becoming jealous when she is with other guys .
Of course this is not what any girl wants and as soon as they detect this neediness (girls are very perceptive), they see this lack of strength and withdraw. This is such a shame for me, as I have missed potential connections with some amazing and beautiful people, if only I could have known then how to overcome my insecurities. This is an example of acting based on fear and attachment, instead of acting out of love. It is hard to say where this has developed from, perhaps from my early childhood situation but the reason is not important, the solution is all that matters. The good news is that finally I have been able to overcome this major roadblock in my life and I will explain how this has transpired below.
For so long now I have known the theory to living a life without Ego, but practicing it has always been a different story. The theory is simply to bring all of your being and consciousness into the present moment and completely surrender yourself to this moment right here, right now. That way you’re free to live the moment.
I have tried to practice this for so long, I have read spiritual books and tried meditation and mindfulness and I have definitely achieved some moments of freedom, but never anything lasting. I have always been flying blind, hoping to stumble across the answer.
Yesterday, at almost 25 years of age, I rediscovered something deep within myself that I have been missing for so much of my life, the final piece of the puzzle- Courage. I realised that living in the moment is simply a choice. I realised that all you need to turn and face your fears completely is courage. You say ‘fuck it’ and you try your best and if things don’t work out then you did what you can. You allow yourself to feel the pain, not run away from it.
I was feeling tension and sadness within myself due to something in my life not working out the way I would have liked, probably due to my Ego in the first place. Instead of shying away from my fear and letting it consume me, I just sat there and felt the pain of disappointment. Then as I observed it, I realised that there was nothing to be afraid of. By accepting the pain I overcame it. I realised that I could do this with all of my pain and problems that I came across. If you face your pain head-on it will have no power over you. You can/ live your life in the moment, making the best of every situation. You can live a life without fear.
That was when I learnt the importance of living your life with courage. Walking with strength, audacity, daring, determination, spirit, tenacity and valor. Now I must walk the path of the warrior.